


At The End Of The Universe

by ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cyberpunk, Dark, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Space Wives, Thoschei frenemies, end of the universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars/pseuds/ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars
Summary: Struggling after the events of Timeless Children, the Doctor goes to the end of the universe. There, the biggest, baddest and last party of the universe is raging on. What better place to blow of some steam, drown her sorrows and forget her troubles for a while? However, she's not the only one looking for a distraction at the end of time.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor & Missy, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 24
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I've been working on this for ages and decided to post it in two parts as it's turned out very long and I'm still mulling over the ending but I really wanted to get it out there. :D  
> This is based on a prompt and I feel terrible for how long it's taken me to get around to it, I can't keep them waiting any longer! The prompt was: “River and Missy stumbling upon 13 and immediately both go to flirting w her“  
> It's probably not what they had in mind but I got a little obsessed with the idea of doing a sort of cyberpunk inspired piece featuring dark!13 and confronting the two women that are responsible for a lot of her emotional baggage.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, here is part one!

The Doctor locked up the TARDIS, just to be safe. At the end of time, one did not want to get stuck or have one’s means of escape stolen. She had often wondered what it _actually_ was like. The very last day of the universe. She had visited once before, watching from Me’s reality bubble. Me had been watching the stars die and she had called it beautiful and the Doctor had found it sad. Me had insisted that it was both and that that wasn’t something the Doctor could ever understand… She had been right. The people around her always seem to know her better than she knew herself.

Now, she certainly couldn’t find any beauty in this place and, yet she was fascinated. This was it, the last straw, where the last people in the universe had gathered. Admittedly, she wasn't actually sure that was entirely true but these people seemed to think they were so who was she to argue? She was too exhausted to argue and at the end of everything, no-one had time to waste on such technicalities. In approximately twelves hours, death was coming for them all and there was nowhere to run.

The Doctor looked around, taking in the atmosphere. It was getting cold, probably because the nearby star was already dying. There was very little natural light now, not that it would have reached the ground through the thick smog anyway. The only light down here was from the garish neon advertisements and signs.

“I bet this has always been an awful place…“ The Doctor started saying but stopped herself. She was alone. There was no-one to talk to on this particular trip. Ryan, Yaz and Graham were still on Earth. They didn’t even know she had made it off Gallifrey in one piece, or that she had ended up in prison shortly after… And after her escape, she had felt no great need to seek them out. Not yet anyway. Her path had lead her here instead. To the end of the universe, with no companions to talk to, no-one to share the experience with. It was probably better that way, this wasn’t a trip she wanted to be sharing with anyone.

She looked around some more and decided, yes, this really must have been an awful place all along. The sort of world where only the rich and powerful flourish and everyone else cowers in the sewers. The sort of place where law and morality would break down in no time at all as the end of days drew near. The sort of place where people would want to see the universe out in delirium. And people around here have already started. They were singing in the streets, shouting, dancing, laughing, some people are crying whether with it was laughter or hysterical fear.

Those that didn’t have a time machine to escape crunch time were each facing up to the inevitable in their own way. They are incredibly brave, the Doctor thought, braver than she had ever been. She would be frantically searching for a way out and try to run away, she couldn’t deny that. She was so tired of running but she just couldn’t stop. She wished she could just stand still and face what was up ahead, head held high, just for once. But it was like a compulsion, she just _had_ to keep going. It was always just one more adventure… maybe the next one will be the _one_. Maybe that would be the one that would finally give her some answers. Or closure. Or even some sort of happiness or contentment. Something, _anything_ , to satisfy that urge to keep going. Sometimes, she forgot what she was searching for. She had been going for so long now. What purpose did this particular trip serve? By this point it was probably just to make sense of things. Of herself. Her own existence. Her life. The things that had been done to her. And the things that happened _because_ of her. And to try and forget about them.

She could still see it. Every time she closed her eyes, she was right back in the ruins of Gallifrey. She would feel the burning heat from the flames. She would get a burning in her chest from the smoke. Her eyes would be burning from the dust. Gallifrey was burning her from the inside still. Her memories were eating at her, burning all the walls she’d built to protect myself, the structures that held her up and kept her going. She had no idea how to stop this wildfire. Maybe on her next trip, she’d find a way but now, she was here. At the edge of the universe, at the end of everything. This was not the place where she’d find her answers but maybe she could fight fire with fire for a time. Maybe she could gain a reprieve before the flames engulfed her.

She started to make her way down the street. The music was coming from somewhere up ahead. The bass was so deep, the vibrations were making her shake. She could smell alcohol now, the streets were literally drenched in it, this party had been going on for days. It wasn't just alcohol, there were chemicals, drugs, sweat, vomit, sex… At the end of everything, society, morals, inhibitions, right and wrong, disintegrated right before your eyes. There was no need for such _human_ constructs now. Everyone here was going to die in twelve hours, the Doctor could see why they’d rather be enjoying themselves. The biggest, baddest party of the universe. The last party. On the last planet. In the last hours. No-one could charge and judge you now. What better place to drown one’s sorrows, get perspective and forget for a time?

“Alright lovely? Can we interest you in a good time?“ A young man yelled to her from across the street. There was a group of them, young people who still had so much of their life ahead of them, cut tragically short. Under normal circumstances, the Doctor, or anyone else for that matter, would have kept going, but the Doctor stepped closer.

“What’s your poison?“ She asked, eying the selection of drinks and other substances spread out over the hood of a burned out vehicle.

“By this point, does it really matter?“ One of the lads laughed taking a gulp from a half empty bottle of clear liquid.

“Suppose not.“ The Doctor chuckled and picked up a bottle she at least recognised the brand name of and took a swing. The alcohol burnt her throat. It was pure and disgusting but it was just what she needed. “Mind if I take this?“ She gave the bottle a little shake to indicate what she was talking about. Her question got swallowed up in the deafening noise of an explosion barely a block away. Some people probably got bored of waiting for the end. The Doctor took another swing from the bottle as her eyes fell on some colourful tablets. She picked up a couple, red and blue, turned them between her fingers as if they were smarties. “The red pill or the blue pill…“ She looked up to the group laughing to herself a little. “This would be funny and poignant if The Matrix was still a thing at the end of the universe…“

“You’re not even scared, are you.“ One of the boys grinned, clearly impressed, he stumbled a little, struggling to keep himself upright as he leant forward onto the hood of the vehicle.

“Scared of what?“ The Doctor raised her eyebrows without looking at him. She focused on the pills in her hand. What was the worst that could happen? These people weren’t trying to kill themselves, they were trying to have a good time so this was probably perfectly safe… and if it wasn’t?

“You know… the end. And doing drugs with people you’ve never met before.“ He grinned.

“I’m just here to have a good time.“ She shrugged as she threw both tablets into her mouth like candy and washed them down.

“I can show you a good time.“ He reached out to cup her cheek but misjudged the distance, reaching into nothingness. His friends laughed.

“Maybe later.“ The Doctor chuckled with a wink.

“Don’t keep me waiting all night, it’s not long now.“ He retorted trying his best to hide his disappointment.

“Thanks for this.“ She downed the rest of the bottle as the others cheered her finishing it. She placed the empty bottle back on the make shift table and waved goodbye to them. She only vaguely took notice of the sound of breaking glass as the youngsters smashed her empty bottle just because they could.

She followed the sound of the music as she made her way along the crowded streets, people bumped into her, unaware of their surroundings, in a drug induced haze. The Doctor was beginning to feel the effects herself. Her hearts picked up speed, she felt an indescribable rush, as her brain flooded with dopamine. The colours seemed more vivid, her skin tingled, as if she was seeing, experiencing more than ever before. Some remaining rational part of her brain insisted that these feelings weren’t real, that it was an illusion and that she would pay a price when they wore off but for now, she couldn’t care less.

She followed the sound of the music, the bass running trough her as she descended stairs to a make shift nightclub. It really just looked like a massive warehouse but people were dancing and drinking, jerking to the music, partying to their heart’s content. The Doctor steadied herself against the wall, feeling the effects of the drugs, allowing her senses to be flooded. She smiled to herself, her heart felt lighter, as if a burden was being lifted and only the here and now mattered.

“Fancy seeing you here, Professor Song.“ Missy called over the loud music as she swirled a glass of bourbon. Even at the end of the universe, she insisted on some modicum of class as she watched River Song emerging from the flurry of dancing bodies. She felt a tingle in her hand as regenerative energy started oozing out of her fingertips and she balled her fist, forcing the process to a halt, yet again. She wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to keep it at bay but she intended to have a good time before giving in to inevitable. She pushed her hand into her pocket, hoping River hadn’t noticed as she returned her attention to her.

River wiped her brow, her tank top was sticking to her with sweat but she didn’t care, she was enjoying herself. She recognised Missy immediately, leaning against the counter set up along the side of the massive underground warehouse. She couldn’t help but smirk. Of course, of all the people she could possibly encounter at the end of the universe, it was the Master. Lightheaded and thirsty, her ears ringing with the sheer volume of the music, she made her way over to her.

“Well, this is the biggest party in the known universe.“ River winked at her as she came to a halt next to her and reached behind the makeshift bar. It astounded her that some people had actually gone through the trouble of providing these comforts, wasting what precious time they had left on setting up a bar. The counter top was covered in dirty glasses and half empty bottles, she decided it was safer to go for what was behind the bar instead. She couldn’t really expect anyone to bar tend at this point.

“Without the husband, I see?“ Missy raised her eyebrows.

“We’re not joined at the hip. We are modern like that.“ River retorted retrieving a bottle of whisky.

“Allow me.“ Missy offered her one of the few clean-ish glasses she had been able to find. “We don’t have to behave like animals, Timeladies such as ourselves.“

“I could’t agree more.“ River took the glass offered to her and poured a drink for herself. “So what brings you here?“ She eyed her over the rim of her glass as she took a sip.

“Where else would I go to kick back and soak up the atmosphere?“ Missy smirked as she looked around the makeshift nightclub, illuminated only by strobe lighting and neon.

She neglected to mention the fact that she was dying and wanted to enjoy one last night of chaos in this body. She had grown rather fond of this lady version. The annoying thing was that she didn’t even remember who or what had killed her. It was such a blur. The last thing she remembered was the Doctor wanting her to play a stupid game and for her to save some people, prove that she could be _good_. And now here she was without the Doctor and dying. He was bound to be responsible. Which was a real shame as she had actually enjoyed spending time with her childhood friend again… all this effort for nothing. All she remembered was lying in the middle of a forrest, her body starting to fizz with generation energy when she had almost believed it wouldn’t happen this time around. It brought her back from the brink of death and she had halted the process, keeping it at bay by sheer force of will. She wasn’t done being Miss just yet. One more adventure…

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and looked back at River. “I mean, just look around. The confusion, the chaos, the imminent death… isn't it exhilarating? You can smell the fear and the desperation on them…“ She grinned as she took a sip. “How about you?“

“I think I just saw my husband for the last time.“ River retorted, keeping her emotions out of her voice. She was determined not to overthink it too much. She had come here to lose herself in the here and now and stop her mind going in endless circles. She took a gulp of her drink, though it didn’t do much to quench her thirst from dancing.

“Is that so? What happened? Did you actually kill him at last fighting over the remote control in domestic bliss?“ Missy raised her eyebrows in amusement. She knew the last time the Doctor had been with his wife was enjoying domestic bliss on Darillium. That had been in the Doctor’s past when she had last been with him but apparently for River, that time had only just come to an end.

“Oh, he’s quite alive as far as I know. Sorry to disappoint.“ River chuckled. “But by some accounts that was the last night we spent together… who knows, we’ll see. Either way, I needed a distraction.“

“You know, I think you and I could have a great time together.“ Missy smirked leaning in closer. What was the harm really? It wasn’t like there would be any witnesses and there was a certain appeal in seducing her arch nemesis’s wife.

“Is that so.“ River took another sip of her drink.

“Absolutely.“ Missy twirled her fingers into River’s curls.

“Two psychopaths, that would not end well.“ River was drunk but not that drunk. Jumping into bed with the Master was a bad idea and she knew it. “Better not…“ She looked around the room and noticed a petite blonde making her way down the stairs into the club. She steadied herself against the wall, clearly intoxicated, but so was everyone else in this place. River instantly liked the look of her and she was probably a far safer bet than Missy. “You have yourself a good night.“ River downed the rest of her drink and placed the glass back on the counter before turning to leave.

“Oh, I see.“ Missy raised her eyebrows following River’s gaze. Most people in this place had turned into mindless junkies with poor body hygiene over the last few days, so the blonde stood out immediately. She was a pretty one too, innocent, soft features, she probably didn’t even know what she was doing here.

“Enjoy the end of the universe, I know I will.“ River shot Missy a grin over her shoulder as she headed straight for the new arrival. “Hello, lovely, looking for something in particular? Or someone?“ She stepped into her path, demanding her attention. The blonde jumped, clearly startled, she looked up at River with big eyes, struggling for a response.

“How original.“ Missy huffed at River and pushed past her, deciding there was no reason why she should just let River have her. “Are you lost, dear? Need someone to show you around?“

“Go away now.“ River gave Missy’s shoulder a shove.

“We could always, you know, share?“ Missy winked at River who rolled her eyes.

“I saw her first.“ River shot back, squabbling with Missy until the blonde finally found her voice.

“Of course, why the fuck not.“ The Doctor started giggling to herself looking in between the two women in front of her. Of course her brain would do this to her. Why not. The woman that betrayed her and the woman she had abandoned. Her brain was so cruel. She thought the drugs were meant to make her feel good, not give shape to her emotional trauma. “I haven’t got time for this…“ She walked past River and Missy who exchanged confused looks.

“Have we met?“ River asked catching up with her.

“That’s a great pick up line.“ Missy huffed sarcastically. “What better thing could you possibly have to do at the end of the universe?“ She stepped into the Doctor’s way, obviously not recognising her.

“I just want to have a good time, not to talk to myself.“ The Doctor snapped over the sound of the music. She looked around, wondering what to do next.

“Talk to yourself?“ River frowned confused. The girl was probably not thinking straight, her pupils were dilated and she was unsteady on her feet.

“That’s what you are, right? Manifestations of my subconscious? Hallucinations? Shitty street corner drugs…“ The Doctor huffed.

“I can assure you, dear, I’m very real.“ River gave it another go but was getting the impression that this might be a lost cause.

“You can’t be real, River, both of you are dead.“ The Doctor shot back in annoyance. Why was she even arguing with her?

“What…“ River felt her stomach lurch, her hearts skipped a beat. How did this woman know her name? A chance encounter at the end of time… how was that possible? And she knew Missy, too? There was only one person, apart from the Master, who would be capable of coming here and who would know her name…

“What is this? A guilt trip?“ The Doctor laughed bitterly. “I’m trying to run away from my bullshit, not confront it.“ She shook her head and made her way behind the bar searching for a bottle of something strong. Missy and River looked at each other and followed slowly. Neither of them wanted to say it but they both thought the same thing. But how was that possible?

“Doctor…“ River said softly stepping closer. It was becoming painfully obvious. It was the only plausible explanation and the random selection of clothes should have been a giveaway. If this was the Doctor, she had to be from their future… far, far into their future. River had never seen this regeneration of her husband - well, wife? And by the look on Missy’s face, neither had she. The thought turned River’s stomach. What had happened to her? For her to turn up here, drunk, high, utterly out of her mind, clearly thinking she was hallucinating. How far into their future was she for both of them to be dead to her?

“Don’t. Don’t even.“ The Doctor laughed and shook her head to herself. “Don’t even say my name like that.“ She confirmed their suspicion as she picked up the bottle of whiskey River had just poured from.

“Doctor, get ourself together.“ Missy said sternly, she wouldn’t admit to it but she was just as unsettled as River appeared to be. What had been fun and games a minute ago, suddenly turned very serious. What was she doing here? When had he - she - regenerated again? The last time she had seen the Doctor he had been perfectly fine then. This Doctor, however, seemed utterly broken.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments! here is part two, just had to keep going over it a bit longer cause I wasn't happy just and it was too long to post in one go lol. Enjoy! <3

“Get myself together? That’s rich coming from you.“ The Doctor unscrewed a bottle and took a swing. “If one of us has impulse control issues it’s you, isn’t it.“ She jabbed her finger at her. “And to think I wasted all this time on you.“ She laughed in a bitter sort of way and shook her head to herself as she recalled all the time she had spent on trying to rehabilitate Missy. She had given her a chance. She had tried her best to reconnect with her childhood friend and to help her become good… But she had betrayed her in the end. “Seventy bloody years and you actually had me going, didn’t you. Actually had me believe you were willing to change. Only to abandon me.“ She had tried so hard to talk Missy around at the time, to stand with her, but she had turned her down and gone to save herself instead, leaving her - well him at the time - to be mortally wounded and forced to regenerate. Missy just stared back at her, looking confused, so the Doctor carried on with her rant. Maybe if she let it all out, that would make her go away. “That was such a disappointment but hey, I was naive back then, wasn’t I. But then you just had to come back, didn’t you, to outdo yourself and prove you hadn’t changed one bit. If only I hadn’t been so stupid. I should have executed you when I had the chance. But hey, hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it.“

“What are you talking about?“ Missy frowned feeling uneasy. Had she abandoned the Doctor, taken the opportunity and run? Maybe she could fill in the gaps, retrieve the memories she was missing. But why would she have done that? Things had actually been going so well… But she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t have just seized the moment if the chance of freedom presented itself. She had only entertained him because she had been his captive, right?

“Oh what, don’t tell me because you’re still Missy you don’t know what you’ll end up doing when you regenerate again. Bullshit. You’re in my head, of course you know.“ The Doctor wasn’t even sure why she was still carrying on but the words just kept tumbling out of her mouth.

“Doctor, you’re not hallucinating.“ River said calmly, taking a step towards her. “We’re here.“

“Of course you are.“ The Doctor sighed sarcastically and turned her attention to River. “You know how much I miss you, River? Do you have any idea how hard it was to let you go when our night on Darillium was over?“ The memory still haunted her. Having to part ways with her, knowing, that she would be going to her death in the Library shortly. It still chilled her to the bone.

“Yes, actually, I do, I…“ River’s heart lifted a little. If Darillium was the last time the Doctor had seen her, this was the next encounter for both of them. The stories had been wrong. Clearly a lot of time had passed for the Doctor but it didn’t matter now, they could pick up where they left of.

“You and me, our time together is just one cruel cosmic joke isn’t it. I mean, come on. Imagine meeting this mystery woman who seems to know every last thing about you and you watch her die. And of course, I just brush it off like I always do and carry on. But then I meet you again and again and again and of course I fall in love with you across the centuries. All the while knowing how it’s going to end.“ Angry tears sprung to her eyes. “How and when and why you will die and knowing that I was no comfort to you whatsoever, because I didn’t even know you then. And Darillium, oh how I dreaded it… knowing it would be the last time I would see you before the end. I put it off and put it off and then suddenly, there we were. And now I would give anything to go back, anything! But it’s too late now, our time is up.“

“Doctor, that’s where I’ve come from, Darillium, 24 years, I have no intention of dying just yet.“ River tried to intervene without letting the weight of her words crush her. The sadness in her eyes was heartbreaking. If this was true - and why wouldn’t it be? - the Doctor had been carrying this burden for such a long time, it was no wonder she was breaking under the weight of it.

“Don’t. Don’t, River. Just stop talking.“ The Doctor held up her hands defensively before wiping the tears off her face frustrated with her own weakness.

“Doctor, the Professor is right. You’ve come to the end of the universe to blow of some steam. Well, so have we. And you know that’s possible, we’re all time travellers here. And frankly, you have to admit, partying away the end of everything is something both of us are likely to do.“ Missy tried to reason with her.

“No, no, no, you're not really here, I'm making this up.“ She shook her head definitely. She took another swing from the bottle. “You know what, this was a terrible idea, this is proper messing with my head, fucking hell.“ She put the bottle down and buried her face in her hands.

“Yes, this was a pretty bad idea.“ River tried to sooth her. “What happened, Doctor? What brought you here?“ River wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to ask what triggered her coming here today. Clearly there were a lot of contributing factors but something must have set her off. Seeing the Doctor like this broke River’s heart.

“Don’t try and make me talk about it, I’m sick of everyone wanting me to talk and share, I’m not gonna have this out with my subconscious. You can pretend as much as you like not to know and try and make me talk but that’s not what I’m here for.“ Why was she even doing this to herself? The Doctor closed her eyes, trying her best to regain control of her mind.

“What _are_ you here for?“ Missy asked.

“Fuck knows.“ The Doctor exclaimed and stumbled, nearly falling over her own feet. She caught herself on the back wall and leaned against it to steady herself. “I don’t even know why I thought this would help. This has been a disaster, look at me, talking to the two of you like you’re _actually_ here.“ She started laughing. There was nothing else she could do at this point.

“Doctor!“ River snapped in frustration and circled around the counter. “For the last time, we’re here.“ She reached out and the Doctor scrambled back, nearly falling over.

“Don’t do that. Don’t try and trick me and try and give me hope, that’s not fair.“ She sobbed. She went for another bottle of drink.

“Doctor!“ River ripped the bottle out of her hand and threw it against the wall airing her frustration.

“How did you…“ The Doctor stared at her in shock, her brain was slower than usual, struggling to catch up. How did she do that if she was a hallucination?

“Stop acting like an idiot and get yourself together.“ River grabbed her by the collar of her coat and gave her a shake, proving beyond a doubt that she was real.

“You’re here… River, I…“ Tears sprang to the Doctor’s eyes again and her stomach turned. All the things she had just said to her - to both of them - and they were really here. She couldn’t think or see straight anymore but she managed to fling her arms around her wife. How many years had it been since Darillium? She wasn’t even sure anymore. Suddenly, her brain was racing with possibilities. What if this was her chance. Even after all this time she had never figured out a way to get River’s consciousness out of the Library. What if she never would? What if the only way to save her was if she never went and this was that opportunity. “Come with me River, right now, come to the TARDIS, let’s go, let’s run and never look back.“ She pleaded burying her face in her curls. She would just never let her go to the Library. They would push it further and further away from them, further into River’s future.

“Well, I’ve actually got a very exciting expedition lined up.“ River chuckled, relieved by her enthusiasm.

“Don’t go to the Library.“ The Doctor burst out unable to stop herself. She wasn’t thinking at this point. Her head was swimming with alcohol, drugs, hormones and the most dangerous thing of all: Hope. “Promise me, don’t go. Never go to the Library, that’s where it happens, that’s…“

“Doctor.“ Missy interrupted realising what she was saying. She would be creating a paradox. If River Song never went to the Library, she would never have met the Doctor…

“Don’t, this is none of your business!“ The Doctor barked at Missy and pulled away from River grabbing her wife by the shoulders. “River, listen, time can be rewritten, it will be fine, I’m still going to travel with Amy and Rory, they will still have you, we will still meet, maybe a bit later but…“ She tried to justify it to herself just as much as to River. Surely undoing River’s death wouldn’t effect any other part of their timeline, would it?

“Doctor…“ River didn’t know what to do or say, she was still trying to wrap her head around what she was saying. Had she really just told her where and when she was going to die? How was she supposed to chose to go to her death? How was she supposed to cope with that knowledge? She knew she couldn’t change her personal timeline, not like that, and the Doctor had to know that too, didn’t she? No matter how intoxicated, desperate and impulsive she was being, she _had_ to know that simple fact. How could she put this burden on her? Why would she tell her? Anxiety swept over River as she pushed the Doctor away, she felt like she couldn’t breath, she needed space.

“River…“ The Doctor tried to pull her into her arms but River wouldn’t let her.

“Why would you tell me that?“ River exclaimed. “It has to happen. You can’t just undo something that’s already happened cause you didn’t like it. But how am I supposed to go there now knowing I’m going to die? Why would you tell me that?“

“Yes, really, why would you.“ Missy knew the Doctor wasn’t thinking straight, but she still couldn’t believe she would do this to her wife. And perhaps to the universe. All sorts of things could happen if River didn’t show up to her own death. Missy turned to River who looked helpless and lost, just staring at the Doctor. Missy wasn’t entirely sure why she chose to get involved. This was the Doctor’s mess to clean up but maybe the seventy years she’d spent with him had left a mark after all. Why else would she do something that could be considered _kind_? “Sorry about this Professor but it’s for the best.“ Before River could protest or the Doctor could intervene, Missy grabbed a hold of River’s face and placed her fingertips on each side to wipe her memory of this encounter.

“NO!“ The Doctor shouted when River collapsed to the floor. She gave Missy a shove with surprising strength knocking her back against the counter. The Doctor dropped onto her knees to check on her wife. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realised she was just unconscious. 

“You know she can’t know about this, why would you tell her how she has to die? That’s cruel, even for you.“ Missy shook her head in disbelief as she pulled herself upright, bracing against the counter. Suddenly, she felt another surge of regenerative energy rush through her body. The mind wipe her taken more out of her than she realised. “Not. Now.“ She growled clenching her fists, forcing the process to a halt again, she wasn’t sure how many more times she would be able to.

“You’re dying.“ The Doctor looked up at her in disbelief, cradling River’s head on her lap.

“It would appear that way.“ Missy ground her teeth, the Doctor was the last person she wanted to see her like this.

“When is this for you?“ The Doctor asked with a frown, trying to put the pieces together. Holding River close, she felt calmer now. “What happened?“

“Oh, I don’t know.“ Missy waved it off. “Don’t even remember… We went aboard that colony ship reversing out of a black hole, things are a bit fuzzy after that.“

“Crossing of timelines… you were there, younger you…“ The Doctor answered slowly. This was Missy after she had left with her younger self. Somehow she had gotten herself killed on the way off that ship by the looks of it. Just like the Doctor had. But if Missy didn’t remember what had happened, chances were they would never find out.

“I guessed as much…“ Missy mused as there weren’t many other options for such perfuse memory loss. The lost time bothered her but there was only so much the Doctor could help her piece together. “Is that where I abandoned you? Is that what you’re cross about? Because I’ve got to be honest, I can’t justify actions I don’t remember. Or ones I haven’t done yet.“ 

“Why did you come here Missy?“ The Doctor asked avoiding the question. She had revealed too much already but the temptation was certainly there. Like with River. She stroked her hair softly. Would the Master reconsider if she told her now she would commit genocide and kill their entire race? Probably not… She would find out about the secret of the timeless child regardless, that explosive anger would be the same and no foreknowledge would stop that. And if she stopped her now, killed her here… Then the Doctor herself would never have came here struggling with the memories of Gallifrey burning after the Master had destroyed it, creating a paradox. It was no use. She shook her head to herself, disappointed in herself for even thinking it. 

“A last hurrah I guess.“ Missy shrugged looking around. Somehow, the raving party had lost its appeal rather in light of more serious revelations. “Just like your wife… who thought she would never see you again.“ She added in an off hand sort of way.

“She won’t remember now…“ The Doctor mumbled stroking River’s hair. “Which is probably for the best.“ She felt incredibly guilty. She could blame it on her intoxication but that wouldn’t be entirely fair. It had been impulsive and thoughtless. It had been about seeing a way out and bolting for the exit.

“You can thank me later.“ Missy retorted.

“I’ve been trying for so long to work it out, to find a way to save her, I was jumping at the easy solution…“ The Doctor admitted, looking at her wife absentmindedly.

“Some things just can’t be done. You have a thing about hopeless cases, haven’t you.“ Missy retorted, squaring her jaw.

“You might have been, River is a different story.“ The Doctor shot back, she didn’t want to go down this road with her. If Missy didn’t even remember what she did, there was no point. “

“It was all very touching, your star-crossed lovers story but word of advice, I think it’s time you stopped torturing yourself and let her go and move on. Look at what it’s doing to you.“ Missy pointed to her, barely keeping it together, sitting on the floor of an underground club at the end of the universe, cradling her unconscious wife. It was a ridiculously pitiful image.

“You don’t know the first thing about this, about me.“ The Doctor snapped, her eyes shooting up. Missy had no right talking to her like that. Not after everything she had contributed to her fragile state of mind.

“Well, I preferred you when you were all sulky, dark and moody. What’s happened since? Have you gone soft in the head?“ Missy retorted, feeling like picking a fight now. The hadn’t said as much as thank you for her surprisingly well-meant and actually helpful intervention.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through since we last met.“ The Doctor growled.

“No clearly.“ Missy took a step forward and crouched down across from her. “But when I last saw you, River Song was already dead. And she’s dead now. Her death happened centuries ago and you can’t change that. You couldn’t then and you can’t do now, so why beat yourself up over it now? Just cause she’s here looking all pretty on your lap?“ It made the Doctor snap, she let go of River and lunged forward throwing herself at Missy. Caught off guard, Missy crashed onto the floor and the Doctor was on top of her pinning her down with her weight.

“I wish I could just kill you.“ The Doctor shouted in wild rage. Her memories of Gallifrey flashed before her eyes, devastated, empty, _burning_ Gallifrey. All the pain and death Missy would cause if she was allowed to regenerate…

“Then why don’t you?“ Missy shot back with a mad twinkle in her eyes. She could feel the regenerative fizzing inside of her, trying to bubble to the surface. What was one more death?

“Like you pointed out already, I can’t mess with fixed events.“ The Doctor pressed through gritted teeth.

“You didn’t care about that with your wife a minute ago.“ Missy retorted with a laugh. Until tonight she had never seen the Doctor like this. Desperate. Angry. Unhinged.

“I clearly care more about saving her, than about killing you.“ The Doctor growled.

“You’re not going to save her, Doctor.“ Missy laughed. She couldn’t believe that she still hadn’t accepted that.

“I will find a way. You have no idea what I’m capable of.“ The Doctor growled. “The things I’ve done… You’ve only caught a glimpse.“

“Go on, Doctor, go off the deep end, why don’t you. I’d pay good money to see that happen.“ Missy tried to push herself up a little and the Doctor pushed her back down.

“I always control myself, always hold back, be _kind_ , be measured, keep the universe safe.“ The Doctor laughed bitterly. “Well quite frankly, the universe can get fucked for all I care. All the times I’ve saved it, and what have I ever gotten in return? For every crack I fixed I got one in return. For every life I saved… the universe is a cruel place.“

“Yes it is.“ Missy couldn’t help but agree, marvelling at how the Doctor’s expression went from fury to resignation.

“I’m so sick of it.“ The Doctor let go of Missy and sat up, her anger fading away.

“So what are you going to do? Are you just gonna forget to get back into your TARDIS? Put an end to it.“ Missy pushed herself up.

“If only it was that easy.“ The Doctor mumbled, getting off Missy.

“It could be. I mean, it would be a shame but if I’m dead in your future, I suppose I shouldn’t care.“ Missy shrugged.

“No, there’s still things I’ve got to do.“ The Doctor looked back to River. She would have to get her to safety on the off chance she didn’t wake up before crunch time. She had to take her back to Luna University, she would be fine there. And she would be able to go to the Library, she would be back on track… She was thinking more rationally now. She knew it was a fixed point that had to happen. She would have to find another way and rescue her from the Library, like she had always meant to. That had always been the plan after Darillium. She had bought herself time by saving her consciousness to the data core. She just had to figure out what to do now. Somehow. There had to be a way. One day she would find it. The universe owed her this. “I guess I’ll just keep trying. I have to keep going.“ She crouched next to River and lifted her up, cradling her in her arms, she would have to carry her back to the TARDIS. “Maybe one day I will find a way, change the punch line on that cruel joke that was our time together. I will find a way.“ She was talking more to herself than anything else as she pressed a kiss to River’s hair with her head cradled against her chest. “You’ll be seeing me again soon.“ She told Missy and turned to leave.

“So I gathered… I’m looking forward to it.“ Missy smirked. “Tell me though, Doctor, was it me? That did this to you? That made you come here today.“ She sat up and gestured around herself. Desperation, fear and sorrow were almost palpable in the air now as the end drew nearer. “Because I really want it to have been me.“ 

“Die already, Missy, save the theatrics.“ The Doctor huffed.

“Not here, imagine if I fall asleep after regenerating and don’t leave in time. No… I think this time, I’ll go home to die.“ Missy slowly stood up steadying herself again the counter.

“To Gallifrey?“ The Doctor questioned without looking around, she didn’t want her to see her reaction.

“I’ve not been back for a long time now… Will you ever go back, Doctor? Come home?“ Missy asked almost hopefully.

“I can’t.“ The Doctor retorted curtly.

“Why not?“ Missy sounded confused and the Doctor wanted to tell her it was because she would lay waste to it soon but she didn’t. She wouldn’t be that cruel as she went there for comfort. Even if it probably meant that this was when she learned the timeless child secrets and set this whole chain of events in motion.

“Because I have other things to do first. Sometimes I forget the reason why I’m still going.“ The Doctor turned back to face Missy one last time. “I had forgotten when I came here earlier. I was so wrapped up in it all, in myself and sometimes I just forget… The need to keep going is there, always urging me on but I lose sight of what it is I’m still going for…“

“And what’s that?“ Missy asked.

“I haven’t saved her yet.“ The Doctor looked down at River.

“You sentimental idiot.“ Missy huffed and shook her head as the Doctor turned and carried on on her way out of the club without looking back. She held on tightly to her wife, enjoyed the feeling of her skin under her fingertips while she could. She carried her like she was the most precious thing in the universe. As the TARDIS came into view she realised that it didn’t matter who exactly she was and what had happened to her. In time, the images of Gallifrey burning would stop haunting her and she would accept that it wasn’t her doing. She would move past this in time. This had been a trip worth making. At the end of the universe she had found the one thing no-one else around here had: A reason to keep going.


End file.
